'Ghostbusters' - Ray Parker Jr. (1984)

"If there’s somethin’ strange in your neighbourhood,

Who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters!"

This seems misguided advice. There’s always something strange going on down my street. There’s a guy who walks around covered in birds. Another they call The Wizard – you can probably guess what he looks like. I don’t think the Ghostbusters would be best qualified in those cases. We need to define their services better.   

"If there’s somethin’ weird and it don’t look good,

Who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters!"

Ok, this isn’t helping. It’s quite a specialised offering we have here. Shouldn’t we be mentioning spirits right up front? Paranormal activity? Floating librarians, at least. 

"I ain’t afraid o’ no ghost."

That’s pretty much the minimum job requirement I’d say. Just as I’d expect a milkman not to be afraid of milk. Or something. (Make up your own analogy.) Is this really their Unique Selling Point? 

"If you’re seein’ things runnin’ through your head,

Who can you call? Ghostbusters!"

Well, yes,you can. But perhaps after you’ve seen a psychiatrist.

"An invisible man sleepin’ in your bed.

Oh, who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters!"

In some ways, we’re finally getting a better understanding of their business model. In many other ways, you’re just creeping us out.

"If you’re all alone, pick up the phone,

And call… Ghostbusters!"

This just sounds like a different service altogether.

"I ain’t afraid o’ no ghost,

I hear it likes the girls."

Scare tactics. A big no-no in modern marketing. Please amend.  

"Mmm, if you’ve had a dose,

Of a freaky ghost, baby.

You better call… Ghostbusters!"

Not sure this portrays our young urban female demographic in the best light. And could we stop calling them ‘baby’, please.

"Let me tell you somethin’…

Bustin’ makes me feel good!"

Spot on. I can see this as the strapline for the campaign. 

"Oh, who you gonna call?

Ghostbusters!"

Ends on a strong call to action. But we need to add the phone number in there, guys. And perhaps a hashtag?

Now, I’m looking forward to seeing what you’ve done with the launch campaign for Club Tropicana. Woah… what do you mean drinks are free?!!? We’re trying to run a business here.